Happy Thanksgiving!....

Happy Thanksgiving to all reading this! I know I am in Canada but being a crazy girl from the U.S. (and I am), it is still Thanksgiving in my heart. I am missing my home country very much and missing the people I love that live there...I am very thankful for you all.

As oblivious as most Canadians are about what day it is today (except for those watching football this afternoon or planning shopping trips tomorrow), I could not let the day go by without cooking. I'm not a big turkey fan (no offense to them...they're cute and all but they tend to make me kind of sick when I eat them)...so I am roasting a chicken for dinner tonight. I am also, of course making all the side dishes to go along with my chicken...mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, etc. I started out early (as is also tradition for Thanksgiving) by making three different pies...Pumpkin, Apple and Chocolate.

One thing I am getting out of today...an understanding of other people who have immigrated (to Canada and the U.S.) and the need to uphold family and cultural traditions. I don't want my children to forget who they are or where they came from. I know that some may feel the difference between Canada and the U.S. is no big deal...but it is...different. I feel it is my duty as the older (not that old) generation to make sure the traditions and customs of my family are passed down to my kids...so they can pass them down someday too.

The kids know what dinner is tonight (they hate that they have to go to school today) but they are excited that we are keeping the tradition still. Then again, the excitement might be more for the pies?...That is tradition too I think?

Have a great day! Enjoy the people you love that are near...love and miss the ones you can't be with! I am...and I do!

Hell...

So, another day in my own personal Hell...who knew Hell was this cold!!?

I don't know what today (or even the next few minutes) will bring...but my instincts tell me it most likely WON'T be good! Not being pessimistic...just realistic.

Still lost...damn it!

Feeling Lost...

I know I said I would try to be better the next time I was here...but things just aren't working out that way.

I'm so tired today. It feels as thought all my energy (you know, the kind found deep inside) has been drained. That "empty soul" kind of feeling. It's a very lonely feeling.

I am lost. I've worked so hard for the life I want...but I'm not the one who gets to decide if I have that life...so all the hard work in the world doesn't really make a difference. I make mistakes and am trying to learn from them...but don't get the chance. I keep trying and it doesn't matter.

So what do I do with all this?...I don't want to be whiny...or have a "pity party" for myself. What I want is for things to work out...and to be able to have a say in it. I don't want to be sad anymore! I WANT PEACE IN MY LIFE!!!

Dazed and Confused!

I just don't understand things sometimes. How can the day be going along, fairly well, and then be completely, utterly and totally blown to shit just because you say something?...oh, because I say something? When it comes to the "emotional" part of myself, I am least likely to get what I need or want just because I talk about it! No exageration, I assure you! And it really must be useless to try to figure out...I can't...and I've been trying for a very long time!! I know I sound whiny as crap...maybe I am...maybe that's the problem...I don't know. I just know that I am tired of my life being the way it is...tired of doing without things I need (you know, the things you can't buy?) and just wishing I could shut down and shut off and not feel it so damn much! I'm looking...I'm trying to find my way...but I am feeling so lost today.

So...thank you for joining me in another episode of "As the shit turns"...hope your day is bright and sunny...and that someone out there loves you...and shows you that every minute of the day! You deserve it...everybody deserves it! I promise I will be better the next time I am here.

Venting Time....

Okay...I don't really want to air my dirty laundry...so without getting into specifics, I need to vent a little!!

I am ANNOYED! With people mostly, I think. I am speaking here from my own experiences but also from my observations of the way things work in the world. Everyone is in such a hurry to get what THEY want...with the attitude of "so what if I run over some folks or screw with them"...it makes me sick! I have experience with individuals, in my life, that will waste so much time just trying to screw things up for me that they can't be leaving any time to enjoy their own lives. Now, of course, I am assuming that these individuals actually ARE human and want to have happy lives of their own instead of the "MUTANT SPAWN OF SATAN" they seem to be! I could be wrong, however. I'm not so self-involved that I think I am the center of the universe or anything...but I know when someone is screwing with me. I am tough and I will keep fighting the "EVIL FORCES OF DOOM" (little dramatic...maybe?)...I won't let them get the better of me.

As far as the rest of the world is concerned...What is wrong with people these days? Always in such a hurry to get somewhere (and get there before everyone else) that they forget there is anyone else out there and around them! So involved in their phones and texting/talking on their phones (even while driving...yikes!) that they forget to actually interact with LIVE people. Have we forgotten how to communicate without a technical device stuck to the sides of our heads? Socialize people...be kind...remember manners (you know, please...thank you...etc)...help out your fellow human being (even small animals, if you have the opportunity). When you go to a store (giving an example here...k?) and you see someone in need of some help (an older person who can't reach an item on the top shelf) do something unexpected...HELP THEM! Don't say.."oh, I don't have time to waste like that...I don't work here...it's not MY problem"...blah, blah, blahty blah! I am 5 ft. 9 inches tall and when I am in a store and see someone in need of help like that (yes, this has happened a few times...really) I don't hesitate in asking them if they would like assistance. I have yet to have ANY one of those people curse, yell, or turn down the help. I am glad to help and quite honestly, think about my 85 year old Grandmother when I see someone like this. Of course, being kind goes way beyond helping out someone in a store...that was just a example. Attitudes need to change! The economy is going straight down the crapper...we are all going to need the kindness and understanding of fellow human beings to make it through these tough times. Oil prices are high...gas prices are high...food prices are high...unemployment rates are high...not such a good combination is it? I'm worried...worried that the human race is losing it's ability to feel compassion. I know I may sound like a "bleeding heart"...but this is just me on my soapbox for today...it's what's on my mind.

Okay, switching gears...I need (for my own sanity) to go do some cooking. I am out of butter (limits my baking) so I will go figure something to make. Maybe some corn muffins (no butter in the recipe)...hmmm? Thanks for reading. Take care.

Walking & Baking....

Okay, so not at the same time. This is just what I did this week.

I started my walking/hiking again. I used to walk 6 miles a day. There was a great walking trail back in Maine that went along the river. It was paved and well kept...maintained by the two towns it was in. 3 miles one way, turn around and go 3 miles back...all at a fairly quick pace (almost a jog). I loved it! It always felt so good to go and do that for myself. You know, some "ME" time....music blasting in my ears, drowning out all the worries of my day for just a little while. Well, I haven't been doing that since I moved...and I've really missed it. Never mind the physical influence (not that I've gotten fat or anything)...the emotional effect was what made walking good for me. So, needing to relieve some emotional stress and gain some positive physical energy...I started walking again. Now, to all those who know me this next part will come as no surprise...I never do things in a small way...so, my first walk (you know, to just get back into it) was about 10 miles. It felt great but what didn't feel great was the blister on my poor little toe. I thought I was wearing the right shoes (a pair of my absolute favorite) and shoes that are made for this kind of thing. My KEEN (a brand name...not meaning "nifty") sandals. What I didn't factor into my little jaunt was the fact that I was having some BIG TIME emotional stress and walking at a pace that was almost running. Not what these shoes are made for. Oh well, the walk was still great. I went into the city and walked to the park, through the park, and then back again...with lots of up and down hills. Today, I went for another walk...this time through the bush (that's what Canadians call "the woods"). I'm not sure how many miles it was...but it was a good hike...and I wore the right shoes this time. The sad part about this walk was all the trees that have been cut down for the development of "cookie cutter" houses. (whip-lash moment again...sorry) It's so sad, really. Even sadder is how the developers dispose of their garbage...it's everywhere! Broken glass, bits and pieces of building material...junk! That is the one thing I don't understand about it here...the garbage on the streets. Why? Is it a city thing?...what? Seems so disrespectful to me. I come from a state that fines you $1000 for littering...and it's enforced! There are those that still litter there, but not very much. I don't know...guess I will get off my soapbox for now. Another time maybe.

So, the baking part of my week...it really happened all in one day. This activity boosts positive mental energy...because it makes people happy...and because I'm so damn good at it! I went a bit crazy yesterday. To start I made two kinds of cookies...Peanut Butter and Snickerdoodles. Now, I don't just make single batches of cookies...always double batches or bigger so that I can share with friends and neighbors. This, of course, made the kids happy when they came home from school. For dinner I made four different kinds of pizza (yes, the dough was made by me as well...earlier in the day). I made a plain cheese, one with just bacon and cheese (sauce too), a veggie (mostly for me) with onions, hot banana peppers (grown in the pot outside), fresh tomatoes (also grown outside) and fresh basil (you guessed it, grown by me too)...the final pizza had spaghetti, sauce and cheese. The kids looked at me funny with that one but ate it (couldn't have been THAT weird). To top the day, we had fresh cinnamon rolls at about 11pm...topped with gooey frosting...the perfect late night snack (for a Friday with no school the next day kind of night). Leftovers for breakfast this morning.

So, going to keep up the walking...for me. Going to keep up the baking...for my peace of mind..and to make people happy. Do what is good and right for you...for your peace of mind...and for your peace of body and soul. Good night...dream sweet.

Brrrr....

OMG...it's cold this morning!! When I got up at 6am (yuck!) it was only 46 degrees!! Now I realize this is nothing compared to what the temperature will be in a few weeks...and in January I will think "wow, 46...thats warm!", but right now?...I just wasn't prepared for cold! My hands are cold...my toes are cold (and yes, I have socks on) and my nose is cold (woof!)...ok, my nose is always cold (it means I'm healthy, right?). Oh well, better stop complaining...I'm not sounding like a tough girl from Maine am I?

There is a bird outside my window that sounds like a dog's squeaky chew toy. I think it's a Goldfinch but I can't be sure...I can't see it. All the birds are busily stuffing themselves. The weird thing about the birds outside right now...they are all female. Where did the males go? Do they fly to their winter spot before the female? I wish I had my bird book (in storage, in Maine still). The one bird that I will gladly tolerate winter for is my favorite...the chickadee. There are always more of the little cuties around during the winter and I am more than happy to do what I can to feed them. They are the Official Maine State Bird (other than the mosquito...Ha) but that's not why I love them. I don't really know why they are my favorite...they just are. I used to have dozens of them at my house in Maine. I think they stayed there because they could sense how I felt (yeah...okay, now I'm communicating with birds?).

So, is it another solar system? (I told you my thoughts were random...got whiplash?) Space.com is talking about the first pics of a "star-like" planet being orbited by a planet. The orbiting planet is about eight times the mass of Jupiter and is much further away from it's sun (comparing to our earth/sun distance). It's amazing to think that this is the first "sun" planet of it's kind to ever be photographed! I'm not claiming to know anything about Astronomy...but I do love star-gazing and I am fascinated when I think about the possibilities in our universe and beyond.Cool...isn't it?

Well, I suppose I have rambled enough for now. I will go an be productive somehow...enjoying the sunshine for now...waiting for the stars to appear later...and maybe do some star-gazing. If you look in to the night sky...we will be looking at the same stars!!
Be good, be safe, be well...live, laugh and love today!

I Should Be Sleeping...

It's late I know...

I was talking to my son earlier tonight...he's 8 but very wise for his age (let's face it, he's very wise for my age too!). Anyway, we were talking about photography...he has developed a new passion for it...and we were talking about a trip we took in August...to my Mother's house in Maine. Nicholas (that's my boy) had gone for a walk with my mother...a "nature walk" they called it. My mother brought along her digital camera and had let Nick use it. He has a very unique (yay!) way of looking at things. He was fascinated by everything he saw but had a special fascination for all the mushrooms growing along the way. I think he took a picture of every one of them! Well, I asked his permission to post a couple of his photos here and he agreed. Yes, I am proud of him (in case you couldn't tell).

Nicholas...Self-Portrait! Killer dimples!

Nicholas in shadow!


Yes, I know...it's slightly out of focus...but what a cool color!!

Okay, that's it for tonight. I will try and sleep now. I have bragged about my son...I am a very proud Mama! Goodnight...and dream sweet!!

Rain Again!

"The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain"...blah, blah. Today is more like "the rain, the rain...it's a bit of a pain. It's flooding the streets and clogging the drains". Oh well, at least I am amusing myself.
It is raining again today. As I have said before, I like the rain. I don't like heavy downpours though...and that is what we have today. On the positive side...it is better than snow!

Watching the news today...Hurricane Ike in Texas...train wreck in California...the on-going and seemingly never-ending, ridiculous war. I am getting to the point (again) where it's hard for me to watch the news. I mean, let's face it, there is ALWAYS something sad and/or tragic going on in the world. That's life...but I am one of those people that wishes she could help save the world and I get to a point where I can't watch it or listen to it so much. I don't hide my head in the sand and ignore the goings on of the world...I just get to a point where it's too much. This is usually when I have my own mega-stress and drama to deal with...like now. I won't get into it and bore anyone but I am truly looking forward to the day when stress gets back down to a normal level. Life is too short.

On another subject...I am hoping to get some favorite pics posted soon. I am a photographer and I "film purist". I do take some digital photos but most of my things are on film. I have a scanner and could scan them into my computer...but that may not quite do them justice....and it's pricey to put them all on CD. I must admit, I am looking to get a new camera for my collection...and yes, it is a digital. It's the first digital that has really sparked my interest and made me say, "Ooooh"...the Nikon D80. Soon. I need it to take pics of my food creations. I am developing my cookbook and isn't it just handy that I can do the photos myself? It's nice to have two passions that work well together.

Well, until next time....be good, be safe, live life with love, passion and caring.

Today's ramblings

I love the rain...it's so peaceful...usually. The rain last night should have been relaxing...I should have been able to sleep...but could not. Oh well. My brain did not want to mellow and allow for the sleep to come.
I am in my little "pod" today. My computer has many tabs open...one for here, of course...one for my favorite radio station (in Maine) they are playing their morning show (oh how I miss driving to work every morning listening to the craziest people in Maine!). I have also been hopping from site to site reading the latest "goings on" of my favorite Chefs.
Oh my God, I need a job! When the powers that be, in this country, finally see fit to give me my work permit...I will be so happy!! I am considered a "skilled worker" by the government here...which, I am told, is a good thing. It should get me working sooner rather than later...let's hope. Aside from the whole "lack of money" thing...not working is making me go crazy (crazier?).
So, that leaves the subject of food to talk about...hmmm...where to start? What's for dinner?...I have no idea. I feel like baking today...okay, I almost always feel like baking. What will it be?...cookies?...muffins?...bread? I guess I will have to go to the kitchen soon and see what inspires me.
I think I am a bit homesick today. I like it here but still...it's difficult in a new city. You don't know too many people. I am longing for the people who know me well and care for me (not all are in Maine but I miss them too). I am dying to go out for coffee and have a long talk with a friend. Soon.
Well, I'm off to see what the adventures of the day will be. Maybe there will be good sleep tonight...think positive.

First Glimpse

New to Canada...yep, that's me! Born and raised in the U.S. (specifically Maine) I've traveled and lived in quite a few places, both in the U.S. and "other". Canada is the first place I've decided to make more permanent...you know, by going through all the paperwork and making it official? Loving my new country but not willing to give up my U.S. citizenship, I consider myself to be "AmeriCanadian".
I come from a long line of cooks...it's "in my blood" you could say. Art, in it's many forms, is woven through my life and my family...cooking, painting (my mother), photography (that's me), etc...everything is done with that little artistic flair! Don't mistake that for being like some Martha Stewart wanna-be...I'm not uptight like that. I just put a little more into the things I do....but it comes naturally to me.
Cooking in my newly adopted country has been so much fun! I am surrounded by every type of food you can imagine. I love all types of food, but have to say that Asian foods, of all kinds, are my favorite to cook and to eat. The options here are endless...now, if only my wallet was!
There are a few "comfort items" I have had to do without here...Lobster (I am a Maine girl after all), American cheese, Fluff (like marshmallow creme only...better) and my favorite organic yogurt are just a few. No worries though...I get my fill when I go back for visits. The trade offs make it more bearable...local Ontario produce, milk in a bag (still fascinated by that one), spicy Yugoslavian sausage, the BEST cream-horns ever and wonderful Portuguese neighbors that make (and like to share) the best red wine I have ever tasted!
So far, Canada has been an interesting chapter in my life...more chapters to come!!