LATE NIGHT...WANDERING MIND...

It's late but going to try to write something here...hopefully you can follow along...my mind is all over the place. (actually hoping I make sense).

Friends of mine are getting married in about a month. Both are great people...truly! They are hard working, kind...you know, nice! They also just bought their first house. They had their Stag & Doe last weekend...a Canadian tradition from what I can gather. It was a fun night other than a little drama from his side of the family (as always). Then this weekend was her Bridal shower...again a fun time but with no drama because his side didn't come (yay!). They are off to get married in the Dominican Republic (in about a month...like I said)...I wish I could go but being cash strapped, right now, puts a damper on that. Oh well, I will get to see the pics when they get back! As a gift to them, I am going to be taking some photos of them, in complete wedding attire when they get back. Kind of some informal...formals. Promises to be another fun time. So, why am I telling you this? Because...I am trying to talk about the positive stuff...first anyway.

While my friends are setting off on a beautiful journey into their new lives...I have also been thinking about the subject of "abandonment" (nice transition, huh?) and what it means in it's many forms (told you my mind is all over). So many ways to abandon and to be abandoned...physically, emotionally, mentally (different from emotional). What makes people abandon...other people...themselves...life? Personally I would say I have experienced all of theses forms of abandonment. I have never given up on life physically (obviously) but mentally I have "checked out" for a bit. There are still times I tend to go into an mental hibernation of sorts. I call it my "pod mode"...loud music and alone time. It's just a little way for me to look inward and find myself. It helps me during rough times.

Emotional abandonment is the form I seem to have the most experience with...not sure why. I am not usually the initiator of this form...I am usually the recipient. I have emotionally "bowed out" of a relationship or two...but I am more likely to be the one left behind. Of course, I have my theories on why that is (from my Dad wishing I were a boy when I was born, blah, blah, blah) but I think it is more likely the result of just choosing men (and friends) not fully equipped to deal with me. Now, I am not the super bitch that that sentence makes me sound...I am just very emotional and difficult to understand sometimes. I am the Aries, fire sign, ruled by Mars, painfully honest, in your face, etc...you get the picture. I am just the type of person that believes in working hard and giving everything I have to every aspect of my life. I do everything passionately...work, think, debate...and love. Frankly, I CANNOT understand anyone who doesn't feel or do things the same. Because of that I guess I hold on longer than I should sometimes, trying to figure out "why"...when what I should do is just let go. When I do let go, it's very hard, if not impossible, for someone to get "back in". I have had people, recently, that have come back into my life...results were mixed. Because of my involvement in social media sites (Facebook, Twitter, etc...) I have been contacted by former "friends" some that I'm not sure what to do about. That, right now, is my dilemma.

Wow, just realized that I am tired and this blog post is more like a journal entry. Ah well, sorry for that. Guess I will just end this as I try to end everyday I am on Twitter....Sleep Well and Dream Sweet! Gnight all! :)